It’s all coming together.
This is my second post to be published under both pen names/masks/mottos of Dan de Lyons and Gogo Bordello—the first one being Basic Elements of Hermekate: Part Two. This is due to the ways in which the two strands of work represented by each—that is, the World of Ruin posts involving video games that are credited to Gogo Bordello on the one hand, and everything else covered by Dan de Lyons on the other—converge here.
Given the territory this post will cover, by the end, my readers will have gained new insight (just as I have recently done) into why this Substack has been written under two different personae to begin with. It’s also quite possible that this post will be the one which leads to integration of the two masks.
Yes, Gogo Bordello will soon be retiring, and Dan de Lyons will rule the roost.
On paper, at least.
It’s 3:33am. Let’s dive into this post’s main body!
Here She Comes
Previously, under the mask of Gogo Bordello, I had established a new subcategory of World of Ruin posts entitled Nightside of Hyrule in which I began to weave elements of Kenneth Grant’s Aeon of Zain into my theoretical work in the games The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild and its sequel, Tears of the Kingdom, in such a way that I was able to write a new banishing/invoking ritual based on the symbolism in the games. You can read about The Hylian Banishing Ritual here.
As some of my readers likely suspected, the posts in Nightside were also a kind of magic(k)al working that coincided with certain events (including the ceremonies at the Vatican to celebrate this year’s Jubilee being observed by the Catholic church), and part of the intention was to open a new gateway between the day and night sides of the Tree of Life; that is, the Hylian Banishing Ritual operates not only on a personal level, but straddles the transpersonal as well. This is technically true (at least potentially) of all banishing rituals, but is true of this one in a very special, emphatic and intentional sense.
When a witch or magician works with this, the “Dark Twin Current,” they are operating on the microcosm and the macrocosm simultaneously. Such magic(k)al work is meant to be done by those who have reached a level of individual integration that allows one to be what I have sometimes called “consciously microcosmic co-creators.” A consciously microcosmic co-creator is someone who has access to what Nema called “Double Consciousness” in her book Maat Magick.
This is possible, and desirable, because this kind of magic(k)al work partakes of the Aeon of Ma’at.
In a completely separate vein, I went on from that work under the mask of Dan de Lyons to begin the process of integrating all of the various “plot threads” I’ve had running here at Dark Twins. One of those threads technically began with the post The Rainbow Flame, though it wasn’t formally introduced and explained until the post Ignition; that is, a certain Facebook page creator had caught my eye and apparently visited me astrally, and I felt an inexplicable connection with her that led me to dare reaching out to her to find out just how real the connection was.
As we learned in Thy Fearful Symmetry, the connection was very real—far more real than any connection I’ve ever made with anyone else. Terrifyingly real.
As might be supposed by anyone who understood what was going on in that post, the events it describes were life-changing. My behavior ever since has been erratic, which is to be expected when your freshly-integrated personal consciousness is cracked open no sooner than it “cures” so that it can be merged with someone else’s.
All of the above events are connected; the events described in Thy Fearful Symmetry were, I am convinced, facilitated by the magic(k)al work I did in Nightside of Hyrule. The opening of that gate had an effect on the entire planet. That’s the magic(k)al theory, anyway.
The purpose of this post is to help explain to my readers some of what I’ve been going through ever since and what it means for the larger Dark Twins project. It’s also to provide some really interesting documentation of some magic(k)al experimentation in action. Occult nerds will eat this up.
As deep as it is, this new connection between Fleur and I is, in a word, volatile. In fact, it was not long at all after I first published Thy Fearful Symmetry that we “broke up” (a process we are now referring to as “taking a breather”) for a few days; some of my behavior was triggering to her and, I reckon, the depth of this new connection was frightening even to her (someone who is much more comfortable in these psychic waters than I am, to be honest). This, too, is an expected part of the kind of process she and I are going through, because it’s a process of mutual psychic integration.
I do not stutter.
There is the process of individual integration—involving intensive Shadow work—wherein the conscious and subconscious aspects of the mind are integrated. As I have shown, the process is anything but smooth because the entire psyche is thrown wildly out of equilibrium so that it can be brought into a higher level of balance than would otherwise be possible. The potential risks involved are among the major reasons the process of esoteric Initiation has been so closely guarded.
And apparently, it is then possible for two such individuals to go one further and merge their individual minds into one.
When neither of us has been fully trained for it (I presume she hasn’t, anyway) and both of us are, to some degree, winging it…things are bound to get rowdy.
It only looks and feels messy, but there’s purpose to the way it all unfolds. These “breathers” are agonizing, even while necessary, for both of us. Fleur sets a boundary and I get an opportunity to practice developing a slew of qualities including patience, selflessness, compassion, etc. These are not qualities that I lack, per se, but I have been through a lot of abuse and trauma in recent years that have left me scarred and wounded.
I’ve written a lot about it here, the problems I’ve had making and maintaining connections with friends and colleagues, in part due to ongoing struggles with Borderline Personality Disorder and cPTSD, and in part due to a string of betrayals and letdowns. I’ve done so much work and made so much effort to heal, and I’ve made a valiant stand, here, for the Left Hand Path.
One thing all of this is showing my readers and audience is that there are limits to such principles, and that people need people.
I can’t heal myself. I have tried.
My friends can’t heal me, either. Best believe, even despite being pushed away repeatedly by me, they’ve tried. I have friends I have blocked two or three times since beginning this project, who are still standing by me when I come to my senses. I feel so bad for the distance I have kept from all of them, but my ability to trust has been shattered—and quite systematically so.
But when I connected with Fleur, she broke through to me in ways no one else could. You all read about it in Thy Fearful Symmetry. She broke my stubborn ass down and brought me to my knees, but this time in a loving way as opposed to the sadistic ways in which it had been done over the preceding couple of years.
Strangely, the loving version hurts more.
Much of what has transpired over these past few weeks has also forced me to accept that I am more capable and powerful than I had given myself credit for. My magic(k)al protections were solid enough that it literally took someone powerful enough to psychically bypass my defense mechanisms to directly mold my psyche and force the defenses down.
I would also note, because it’s an important detail, that major aspects of this had to be done without my consent, or else it simply wouldn’t have worked. I am consciously working with the process, but there have been moments when even bodily control has been taken from me by force.
I’m not a narcissist, but I have been living in prolonged physical, mental, and emotional isolation and this does lead to the development of essentially selfish habits; and so, Fleur is helping me as she merges with me by showing me (in the most direct way possible) how to let others in again, how to share.
How to put others first—starting with her.
Because this is such a deep psychic process that is leaving my very identity in a malleable and fluid state, I have largely sequestered myself to focus as much as I can on Fluer and I. This will be necessary until we’re more or less done “gelling” here.
She is unlocking the empathy I’ve had to bury in order to survive. It’s there. I think people know it’s there, or else I’d have been completely forsaken a long time ago. I know that now.
I am at her mercy, and I would be lost without her. As she already knows very well, she will have my eternal gratitude for the healing she is effecting. She is gradually cultivating within me a stalwart, unflinching, uncompromising loyalty to her. And she deserves it.
This is also a two-way street. Neither of us is “more advanced” than the other. We are simply different. The healing she is doing for me now will enable me to return the favor to her later; it is the very thing I will need in order to even have the strength to keep all of the promises I have made here at Dark Twins. I am helping her even now. This process is changing us both. We will both be much more well-rounded in our development when the dust of this transition settles.
Part of the purpose of our “breathers”—from the perspective of Rose, who is technically separate from Fleur, but who is also merging with her at present—is also to force me to learn to rely on and prioritize our spiritual and psychic connection. That is, it’s to see that the apparent separation is an illusion. When we come back together, we find that we had remained “in sync” even in absence, so all we had really achieved in parting was to endure the pain of that separation for essentially no good reason other than the lesson it taught us.
The length of time in between “breathers” has increased each time, as we’re both learning we can really trust one another. It’s possible that at this point, we won’t be needing another one, because we are really letting one another in now.
Carpooling
Fleur and I have been getting to know one another better, spending quite a bit of time on the phone or texting. We have a lot of similar interests and dreams, which is good. The potential for creative collaboration here is not only strong, it’s already manifesting; we’re inspiring one another’s memes and posts. She’s inspiring my writing. I’m inspiring her artwork.
One unique element of our bond, one which is absolutely critical to the healing that’s taking place, is that I am able to quite literally see myself and my work through her eyes. I’ve talked about how I read my own posts in part to evaluate and improve my work and in part because I’ve acknowledged that Rose leaves little “easter eggs” or “love letters” in my own writing for me to find later, etc., but there’s yet another reason now:
They all look very different to me since Fleur and I began merging. This and other ways in which I’m seeing myself in a new light are helping to repair my damaged self-esteem. I’m cutting myself some slack (like many other people throughout my life, Fluer says I am way too hard on myself; unlike anyone else in my life, I actually believe her when she says it).
This has been an important missing element of my editorial process since the beginning of this Substack. As such, while I’ve been keeping mostly to myself and Fleur, I’ve also been editing all of my posts here. That’s now complete and there is now nothing behind the paywall.
One of the things I learned about Fluer sent me clear over the moon:
Like me, she owns a Nintendo Switch.
And, like me, she bought the console specifically to play Breath of the Wild. Apparently, she is a big fan of Zelda.
My response upon learning this?
A very emotionally-loaded, “You don’t say…”
This is where I make another confession: It probably won’t be too shocking, since the events covered in The Rainbow Flame and Ignition actually took place months before I wrote about them, back in February of 2023; however, the truth is that Fluer has been inspiring my writing here since before I started Dark Twins. It really started with Gogo’s World of Ruin.
In other words, it started with my posts about the intersection of Zelda and esoteric Initiation. It was that far back that I started noticing how the posting activity on her page started syncing with my own Facebook activity to such a degree that I thought she was low-key following me. As I recall, it was during the time when I was upset because it looked like my partner was fucking my best friend.
There’s a specific sentence (technically two) I have in mind from the post The Four Gifts of The Great Plateau that single-handedly holds so much hidden meaning, I could spend an entire post laying it all out:
“Either Link will need to have gathered ingredients to prepare a meal or elixir with a Warming effect, or he needs to have solved a mystery involving being a creep and reading the Old Man's diary, piecing together a recipe he forgot, and cooking it for him (at which point he will offer the backhanded thanks of handing "The Warm Doublet," cold-canceling armor, over to you while pointing out that with the recipe you just learned, you don't really need it anymore. Ouch, buddy!)”
I can’t remember the specifics, but the posting activity on Fleur’s page at the time was suggesting to me that she knew my friend and partner were doing me dirty. Somehow, in my head, the “Ouch, buddy!” in that sentence was simultaneously a reference to my friend’s betrayal, as well as to the cutting way one of Fleur’s memes had struck me (even before we met, she was administering bitter medicine through memes that synchronistically reflected my Shadow). Every single time I’ve written, “Ouch, buddy!” at Dark Twins (there have been several), I’ve thought of Fleur. There was a joke implied in there about how my friend was my partner’s “Warm Doublet,” with the latter term becoming a euphemism in my mind for an unfaithful person’s “side piece.”
All of this innuendo is the gift that keeps on giving! Pavlovian conditioning is the bee’s knees, isn’t it?
At any rate, yes; Fleur had a Switch, and she had Breath of the Wild, but she hadn’t actually started playing it yet. And here I was, scribing over here at Dark Twins, basing a whole bunch of my work on that game, noticing that every time I play it is a meaningful Initiatory symphony; then I connect with Fleur and start syncing with her entire life, realizing that while I had a lot of synchronicity in my own life, much of it was now surrounding her; I knew well enough to suppose that if she should actually start playing that game (which would essentially form a closed loop linking all of these different contexts together), things might get incredibly interesting.
Well, they sure as hell did.
Initiation
I remember a feeling of absolute giddiness when Fleur told me she was finally starting Breath of the Wild. I’m sure those who have followed along from the beginning will immediately understand why; I had developed a whole-ass theory about this game essentially being a legitimate vehicle for esoteric Initiation, an environment suitable for such use. I had used it myself and gotten some fascinating and compelling results, but I had also fully acknowledged how unique and idiosyncratic those results would likely be since the convergence of meaning was all so personal and subjective. I surmised that someone else might need to have had similar experiences in order for this all to work the same way for them.
Now I had a new friend and magic(k) partner, with her own formidable body of spiritual skill and knowledge, who was just about to enter that world.
This presented an interesting opportunity.
The syncing began almost immediately. Fleur did a pretty good job playing through The Great Plateau, and once she got off of it, she went right away and caught a horse. Good for her! She’s new to these kinds of open-world games (though she’s played WoW) and it’s kind of hilarious listening to her tell me about how she gets so worked up during fights she physically screams. I just tell her we’re all new BoTW once.
After that, she got a bit stuck on the quest The Old Man gives Link at the end of his time on The Great Plateau: He sends Link east, past the Dueling Peaks, to Kakariko Village. He advises Link to stop on the way at Dueling Peaks Stable.
So that was her next task: Get to that stable.
This leg of the game has a lot of symbolic importance, and some of the context gets pretty personal, too. A lot of it connects directly with the central symbolism of Dark Twins.
The act of moving in the direction of east, in between a mountain that is split in two, carries forward a lot of the Masonic symbolism that I initially drew from The Great Plateau. It is analogous to the Candidate passing through the pillars of Boaz and Jachin at the beginning of their journey. Also, it is known that the developers of the game are vocal fans of Twin Peaks and that the Dueling Peaks are almost certainly a reference to that series.
Of course, David Lynch just passed away; alas, he was Fleur’s favorite filmmaker, and he passed away during our second “breather,” as I was throwing myself into some of the magic(k)al work I am here to do, which she knew as well as I did was connected in unnerving ways to the fires consuming Los Angeles as he departed this world.
I remember making note of the double-entendre there, too: “Stable". Her quest was to get to the stable.
Get to the stable.
We just forged this new, highly unstable connection. The hint here was that I needed to help her with this game, because her playthrough is going to hold Initiatory significance for her just as mine did for me. And I will be here to guide her through it.
It seems highly counter-intuitive at times, but I suspect there are now unbreakable magic(k)al connections between Fleur’s Initiatory playthrough, the playthrough I’m currently doing in Tears of the Kingdom, and world events. This means that even though I personally have a whole slate of other important work I need to be doing right now like finishing manuscripts to combat extremism in Left Hand Path spaces, this game is also pretty important right now because progress in other areas is magic(k)ally tied to it. That’s because these playthroughs are not solely of a personal Initiatory nature, as I expressed above. It’s Ma’atian. It will effect both the microcosm and the macrocosm.
This is a ceremony of healing and Initiation for the world and for Fleur alike. “For One and All.”
Results were interesting at first, seeming to really draw the focus to that quest of Fleur’s: That stable. That stable. That stable. She was stuck there for days.
I initially took a pretty hands-off approach; I really want Fleur to have her own experience and I understand why a person needs that, so at first, I just watched quietly, and when she was struggling with something, I was very subtle with my helpful hints because I also want her to learn on her own.
In these games, there is a mechanic called “Blood Moons.” In-universe, the idea is that every month, the Full Moon turns the sky red and the forces of Calamity Ganon are resurrected. IRL, this plays a technical role in the game, clearing out its memory cache, which had been keeping track of all sorts of changes in the world including monsters slain by Link, weapons and items picked up, etc. All of it resets regularly and the Blood Moon is how the game disguises it.
In my previous playthroughs, I had noticed that Blood Moons tended to occur at meaningful times for me.
Once Fluer started playing Breath of the Wild—and was focused mainly on getting to that stable—every time a Blood Moon triggered in my game, I was at a stable when it happened.
It was weird.
Here’s a little gallery:
By the second or third time, I got the hint:
“Dan, Fleur needs your help getting to that stable.”
Stabilizer
And now, just as with Thy Fearful Symmetry, I commence with the recounting of events on the fateful day we first played Zelda together: February 22nd (that’s 2/22—”auspicious.”)
WARNING: SPOILERS ahead for The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild and The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom.
The day started out like any other, with no real indicator that anything too novel was going to happen; I had my own work cut out for me that day, and Fleur had a party to go to. Normally, she’s a bit of a homebody, so it was going to be a bit of an adjustment missing her while she was gone, but that was okay. We needed to get used to that.
I remember that I busied myself with questing in Hebra—the northern, snowy region of Hyrule. In-game, I was standing by a cooking fire with Meghynn and her sister, Nat, who were trying to convince me to go clear out a cave full of monsters for them so they could get back to their tent:
As I was finishing up that quest chain, Fleur texted me photos from the snowy bonfire she was hanging around:
Soon after, Fleur arrived home and began playing Breath of the Wild. I continued playing my own game as we texted back and forth. I took opportunities to give her advice, and it actually felt really nice taking time from my game to help her out. Sometimes she was feeling bad about herself for messing up, and it felt good to boost her and be a patient companion focused on her journey.
At one point, she was having trouble getting across the river that divides the Dueling Peaks in two so that she could activate the Dueling Peaks Sheikah Tower; I suggested that she use Cryonis to help get across, which is an ability that lets Link form ice cubes from standing water to use as a platform. She couldn’t remember how to use it and I couldn’t remember off the top of my head which buttons did what in the other game, so I switched games and loaded my Breath of the Wild save so I could help her out with texted tips and screenshots.
I noticed, incidentally, that my game just happened to have been saved in the middle of Ash Swamp—right across the field from Dueling Peaks Stable, where Fleur was trying to get. I was at a notable location in the game that I don’t want to spoil for Fleur, so I won’t say any more about it.
Now I have to be extra careful, because the next section includes spoilers for Fleur in particular. So Fleur, if you don’t want spoilers for Tears of the Kingdom, skip over this section and start reading again after the subject header “Alignment,” okay?
After finishing up the quests for Nat and Meghynn, I knew what my next task was. This is interesting, because by this time, I was already accustomed to checking in with Fleur and with my surroundings to decide what the next “spiritually appropriate” task is for me to do in-game. As part of this, I have noted thus far that the timing of going to collect the Dragon’s Tears and view their associated memories has synced up with whatever’s going on magic(k)ally between Fleur and I. This time, I went to view the sixth memory, “The Gerudo Assault,” which depicts Ganondorf’s first attack against Hyrule; we watch him summon a pod of gigantic Moldugas, a kind of monstrous cross between a sea lion and a whale except it swims in sand, and he sends them to assault The Great Plateau. King Rauru, Queen Sonia, and Princess Zelda use their combined powers to repel the attack.
One of the main lessons to me from Fleur/Rose (psychically) as I viewed the memory came at the end, when Ganondorf realizes that it is going to take more than brute force for him to succeed in his aims:
There were other messages implied by the timing, which were highlighted by what unfolded over the course of the evening. In a sense, Ganondorf is a symbol for tyranny and unchecked power, themes which are scarily relevant in the political climate of the United States; this memory is a chilling reminder of what’s going on in our country even as I type. I am well aware of how Ganondorf reflects this, and all of the work I’m doing stems from this same recognition of the threat posed by raw Power when unchecked by Courage and Wisdom. This is so fundamental to my message that those are the words (in Sheikah script) surrounding the triangle in the Dark Twins logo; Wisdom is on top, with Power and Courage balanced against one another below.
This scene was a reminder of the real-world situations that my work with this game is meant to address.
Alignment
Once I was finished with the cut-scene, I had a hunch that was spurred on by my quick visit into Breath of the Wild to help Fleur:
I happened to have some quests to do over at Dueling Peaks stable in the latter game, and Fleur had been stuck there; since she and I had such powerful resonance going on all the time—an apparent two-way, always-on magic(k)al link—then could I help her finish her quests by doing mine?
With that theory in mind, I headed to Dueling Peaks Stable in Tears of the Kingdom to do my next quest. I also seized the opportunity to use the name of the quest to flirt with Fleur a little.
At this point, I was in Tears of the Kingdom, on the east side of the Dueling Peaks, doing my quest to awaken the last of the four Great Fairies I needed to awaken. Meanwhile, Fleur was in Breath of the Wild, on the west side of Dueling Peaks, activating the Sheikah Tower, fighting off Lizalfos, and trying to make it across to the east side.
I decided to send Fleur screenshots of what Cotera said to Link upon her awakening, because it made me think of The Rainbow Flame, not to mention the flames of love erupting between us. This was when she told me to stop sending her spoilers. Good to know! I started being more careful after that and have been ever since.
Speaking of which: Fleur, here come more spoilers, so if you don’t want Tears of the Kingdom spoiled, skip ahead to the section header labeled “Horsing Around.”
Next, I needed to climb to the top of Dueling Peaks Stable’s horse-headed spire to meet with the pelican reporter, Penn, who was chasing down a lead trying to track down Princess Zelda. It turns out Zelda was recently spotted up on top of Dueling Peaks and Link would need to go and investigate.
So I took the quest and started climbing. This was actually the main part of our session that I was hoping would be magic(k)ally “operative.” My theory was that as I did that quest—which takes place right on top of Dueling Peaks proper—Fleur would be magically drawn through that same area via resonance, and I would help magnetically “pull” her through.
Here’s how that worked out:
So now we are each in separate Zelda games and each climbing up the opposite side of Dueling Peaks.
I went up and did my quest, which involved finding a “dark twin” of Princess Zelda imprisoned in a cage, then getting ambushed by three Yiga assassins.
This, too, was a reminder of everything in the big picture that is at stake, because the Yiga clan, in their open support of Ganondorf, are just like the people aiding and abetting the attempted authoritarian coup in the United States at present.
Meanwhile, Fleur was still struggling, and I was giving her what tips I could. She made it to the top of the mountain, but then she didn’t have her horse and wanted to bring her with. I told her it would be quicker, now that she was on top of the peak, to just go to the other side, glide down to the stable, and the stable hands would summon her horse for her when she had them register and board her. She didn’t want to do it that way; I have noticed she is fiercely loyal to her horses and insists on treating them like real, living horses. This means she does not abandon them even if the stable hand can summon them. She takes good care of her steeds.
Though I tend toward expedience myself, I actually admire this about her and find it an endearing trait; so even though I was advising her one way, when she decided to jump back down and do it the hard way after all, I voiced my support for her and told her she’d make it.
I finished my quest and went to turn it in. Like clockwork, the pattern I mentioned above continued, and a Blood Moon triggered just as I arrived there.
Horsing Around
Immediately (and surprisingly), Fleur sent me a screenshot just then to let me know she had just arrived at Dueling Peaks Stable herself. Right on time! She must have done a nice, clean dash right through on her new horse:
It looks like my magic(k)al theory panned out here, doesn’t it?
Next, we gabbed a bit about horses. Fleur had a hard time figuring out how the stable works (I can hardly blame her, the way they set it up) and I guided her through it. There was a lot of innuendo about horses and bedding, since these stables are also this game’s version of an Inn. Both of us were getting ready to “hit the hay,” if you know what I mean. It was after midnight (geographically) for both of us at this point.
She registered her horse and named her Lilith. I showed her my own stable:
At long last, “the page creator” and I are united across all aspects of our work; there is not a part of our mutual interests that doesn’t overlap to some degree. What is unfolding between us appears to be both a predictable outcome and a fairly solid “proof” of all of the magic(k)al principles I have described here as being related to the Word of Hermekate.
We are living it and embodying it.
And we are just getting started.
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